What Happens When You Ignore a Narcissist Who Dumped You
Written by: alexanoelle.
It probably comes as no surprise that narcissists are a slightly different breed. They tend to feel superior to everything, thinking they’re better than others, and logic follows that they can be a bit full of themselves at times. So what happens when you dump a narcissist and then ignore them? You can probably imagine that the outcome won’t be a positive one, but that tends to be the case when dealing with people who think too much of themselves.
First of all, congratulations on dumping the narcissist in the first place. Maybe no one has told you this yet, or perhaps you have been feeling down on yourself, so it deserves to be said that you probably dodged a bullet and avoided a relationship that could have been at best unhealthy or at worst damaging.
If you were dating a narcissist, there is a good chance that you have endured some unpleasant relationship moments that were no fault of your own. Because of the traits that go hand in hand with narcissism, it is also likely that they did not conduct the breakup well. Perhaps they made you feel worthless or unlovable. Maybe they told you that no one will ever want to be with you again, and that you missed your chance at happily ever after.
Don’t believe these lies even for a second. These are things your narcissist ex wants you to believe, and they are most certainly lies ordered toward your own devastation. Making others feel bad about themselves is part of what feeds narcissists and allows them to go on feeling superior to everyone around them. It is not unlikely that your ex is jealous of you for some reason, and needed to dump you and put you down just to convince themselves that they are still better than you. Don’t believe any of it. You can and will do better.
So what happens if you ignore the narcissist who dumped you? Will they feel slighted? Will they be confused? Will it motivate him or her to come crawling back, or will their reaction (or lack thereof) prove that they couldn’t care less about you?
What To Expect When You Begin Ignoring a Narcissist
One of the first things that may happen when you begin ignoring your narcissist ex is that they might try to mimic your behavior. This is a control tactic geared toward making them feel like the power is in their hands. See it for what it is: a defense mechanism that is designed to prevent the narcissist from appearing weak or vulnerable. You will be ignoring them, and they will be ignoring you back. This will go on for a while, until your ex realizes that they no longer have the power to control you. Then you can expect them to lash out in anger, which will probably manifest itself in a mean and hurtful way.
What you have just proven is that you are your own person with your own autonomy, and your ex cannot control your feelings nor your behavior. The realization of their lack of control will make them crazy, and they may reach out to you in an aggressive or demanding fashion. Keep in mind that when this happens, they are trying to get a response from you, and the best thing you can do is stay calm and even tempered.
At this point, your ex will become desperate, willing to do anything to elicit a response from you. they may try to manipulate you, they may act out of character and try to show you a softer, more vulnerable side. They may fake kindness or say they want to make peace and be on good terms again. Watch out for this, and don’t fall for it. If your narcissist starts telling you how much they miss you or everything they love about you, this is a major red flag.
They may text you or message you saying they still love you, or that they’re sorry, or that they won’t do it again. They may beg your forgiveness, they might even say they’ll do anything that will make you talk to them and stop ignoring them. These messages may seem sweet, but they are a trap. It will be in your best interest to avoid taking the bait.
What Happens After A Few Weeks?
The first few days will be intense, with all sorts of manipulation tactics flying around. Your head will be spinning and you might feel overwhelmed. When things finally start to die down, you will probably feel relieved, and you might even think the worst is over, but be careful not to let your guard down too quickly. After a new months or weeks, the narcissist will have learned that their current approach isn’t working, and they’ll start looking for a new angle. If they have been acting nice to try to sweeten you up, get ready for the anger. They may start hurling insults at you unexpectedly, and they may even use threats to get your attention.
Once again, this is a method of force and manipulation where the primary goal is simply getting you to respond. Any response or attention you give to the narcissist will be a win for them, and consequently a loss for you, so it is extremely important to hold your ground and not give in.
They may begin saying incredibly hurtful things that will make you question yourself and whatever love you thought you shared together. It is not uncommon for an angry, slighted narcissist to tell you they never loved you, to tell you they cheated on you even if they didn’t or to threaten to spread photos of you online or tell people any secrets you may have shared with them in confidence.
No matter what the narcissist in your life says to try and scare you, do not take the bargain. It will not work. If it escalates to a point where you believe things are getting dangerous or out of control, it may not be a bad idea to block them on social media or avoid the places you know they visit frequently. If things get really serious, you might even consider changing your phone number, involving the police, or filing for a restraining order.
This is a judgment call on your part, but don’t be afraid to trust your gut. You get to decide when you feel that you are being harassed or stalked, and you have the power to stop the bullying before it backs you into a corner of anxiety or depression. Don’t be afraid to take extreme measures in order to keep yourself safe and sane.
Other Things a Narcissist Might Do
After enough time has passed, a narcissist may begin to feel hopeless and question themselves. It may seem like they are leaving you alone, but there may still be things going on behind your back that you have no way of knowing about.
For example, it is not uncommon for a narcissist to stalk your social media and even send you friend requests from unfamiliar accounts. Be careful not to accept requests from anyone you don’t recognize during this time, because it might be your ex disguised under another name or handle.
Your ex may even resort to stalking you physically. They may start asking acquaintances where you’ve been, or spreading rumors about you. In their mind, spreading rumors is another way of getting your attention, because you’ll want to respond to the rumors and set them straight. If this is happening, stay strong, and consider contacting their close friends or family to let them know about the harassment. It is possible that they have no idea what is going on and might be able and willing to help you.
Is It Easy To Ignore a Narcissist?
The short answer is no, it is extremely difficult. It takes a lot of strength to hold your ground against someone who is actively trying to tear you down. But even in the midst of the darkest moments, remember that you are doing what is in your best interest to rid your life of someone toxic. Your life will be better without them in it, even if that seems hard to imagine from your current perspective.
Overall, we should do our best to avoid getting mixed up with narcissists. But occasionally they have redeeming qualities or are skilled at masking their toxicity, and they slip through the cracks and enter into significant roles in our lives before we can spot them. It is important to remember that none of this is your fault.
If you have been dumped by a narcissist and are attempting to ignore them, know that challenging times are probably ahead. But no matter how difficult it gets, and no matter how intolerable they become when they reach the height of their wrath, remember that you are doing the right thing for yourself by striving for a life without them in it. This too shall pass, even if it seems like they aren’t going away anytime soon. Whatever you do, do not give in, and do not stop ignoring them. Do not let them win. Your future happiness is at stake, and you deserve better than anything a narcissist can ever offer you.