Why Does He Ignore Me If He Likes Me? Written by: alexanoelle
You don’t have to hang out with guys for very long before realizing that they tend to act a little strange sometimes. Most humans are not completely straightforward or transparent about the things we want, usually because our lives have taught us that we need defense mechanisms to avoid getting hurt. Instead, we find ways to feel out situations and people before being too vulnerable.
Believe it or not, this can mean a guy might ignore you even if he really likes you. While that may sound counterintuitive, people do things like this all the time. If the man in your life is ignoring you even though he likes you, here are a few possible explanations for what might be going through his mind:
1. He Doesn’t Want to Come on Too Strong
It’s not uncommon for guys to get a bad rap when they come on strong in the beginning. While the guy is probably trying to show intentionality and a sense of commitment, coming on strong can make him seem creepy or controlling if the girl on the receiving end of his moves isn’t the most receptive.
It’s possible that the guy you’re dealing with has faced rejection in this department in the past. Maybe he went all in once before, only to find out that the object of his affection thought he was a total creep. If that’s the case, then he could be feeling things out with you and being cautious. Perhaps he wants to admire from afar for now or keep things at a friend level until he can get a better sense of where you stand with your feelings for him.
What you perceive as being ignored could be his way of taking things slow, and making sure that move he hopes to make with you is not going to end in rejection and disappointment.
2. He Doesn’t Want to Look Desperate
This probably won’t come as much of a surprise, but most guys like to appear cool. They want to be seen as suave and smooth, and sometimes in order to achieve this image, they will take it too far and end up being distant.
Sure, this is probably not what any girl wants to hear, as “distant” is not often viewed as an attractive quality to women, but try giving him the benefit of the doubt for now, as he may just be trying to impress you. Later, when you’re happy together, you can look back and laugh at how “cool” he tried to act when he was interested and trying to date you.
3. He’s Shy
Not every guy is an outgoing, extroverted prince charming ready to come in and sweep you off your feet. While some guys may appear more outwardly confident and smooth with the ladies, not every guy has this personality and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Consider the possibility that the guy you’re interested in may not truly be ignoring you – he may just be deciding how to approach you, and perhaps it’s taking a little longer than you think it should. While shy guys maybe a little slower to get things started at the beginning of a relationship, they are usually very kind and thoughtful, and very much worth waiting for.
4. He’s Insecure about Past Rejections
Maybe your guy is nervous because the conversation isn’t his strong suit, and he’s had girls reject him for it in the past. It’s possible he’s still contending with the memory of a bad date who told him he was too boring or that there were too many awkward silences. He might have lots of great qualities once you get to know him, but he takes a little longer to get comfortable in the beginning, and those other girls never gave him the chance to warm up.
If he is still reeling from past critiques about his conversational skills, then that may be the reason he’s hesitating to talk to you. He wants to impress you, and he certainly does not want history to repeat itself, so he wants to make the effort to be sure he gets it right this time around. He might be working up the courage to talk to you, so trust that when he does, it will be more than worth it.
5. He’s Not Emotionally Available
Maybe he just got out of a bad relationship and needs time to distance himself from that experience before investing in someone new. It is very possible that he notices you and likes you, but is mature enough to recognize that rebounding after a bad breakup isn’t in anyone’s best interest. Many breakups take time to process and heal, and there are times when not getting involved with someone else right away, no matter how much you want to, will bode better for everyone in the long run.
Or maybe he’s emotionally unavailable in a different way that has nothing to do with exes and relationships. Perhaps he just started a new job and needs to focus on his career for a period of time to get where he wants to be. Or maybe he’s new in town and isn’t quite ready to start dating. There are a lot of reasons why someone might not be in a good place to jump into a relationship, and you may have simply caught him at a bad time.
If this turns out to be the reason for his distance, then he is probably a respectable man who is looking out for both his well being and yours, and who isn’t interested in playing games and breaking your heart. It is possible that he will become emotionally available in the near future, so hang in there and work toward a friendship for now, as this will help both of you to take the first steps in discerning whether something could happen between you two later on.
6. He Thinks You’re Taken
If he doesn’t know you very well yet, then it’s possible that he thinks you already have a boyfriend and is being considerate. Did he overhear you dropping a guy’s name when you were talking to your friend? Did he see you having dinner with your male cousin who was visiting from out of town?
These little moments would never even cross your mind when you’re thinking about why he might be ignoring you because you know the context of the time you mentioned your male coworker’s name, and you know that your cousin is your cousin and thus the farthest thing from a romantic interest. But he doesn’t necessarily have all the context that you have, and maybe he is under the assumption that you are in a committed relationship.
If you think this may be the case, now you get to think of a clever but discreet way to dispel the preconception so that he knows you are, in fact, single and ready to mingle.
7. He Has a Girlfriend
Obviously this is not the thing you want to hear or even spend too much time thinking about, but it is not out of the question. It is possible that he likes you, but that he already belongs to someone else, and so he is trying to keep his distance from you as a way of honoring and protecting the relationship he’s in.
While it is so painful and difficult to be in this position, take comfort in the fact that this is the exact type of guy you want to end up with – one who will not even entertain the thought of another woman when he is committed to you. If something happens down the road and his other relationship doesn’t work out, now you know that he is one of the good ones, because you’ve already watched him exhibit his trustworthiness. Or if things don’t work out with this guy, at least be encouraged by his example that there are good, faithful men out there, and refuse to settle for anything less.
8. He Doesn’t Think You Like Him Back
Thinking back on your interactions with him, have you given him any reason to think that you would not be receptive to his advances? Have you ever been told that you sometimes come off as distant when you like someone and are trying not to be too vulnerable?
While this is not meant to trigger any insecurities, it is always good to look inward for a moment when we are confused about the way someone is responding to us. Is it possible that his emotional distance from you is actually a reflection of the outward persona that you are projecting?
If this sounds like a possibility, that’s good news, because it means that you are in control. This gives you the opportunity to do something that will show him how approachable you are, which will, in turn, make him more likely to talk to you. Try initiating a conversation, or including him in the group you’re part of. Ask him if he has any exciting weekend plans or if he wants to come to the festival that your whole group of friends goes to every year. Sometimes when you are the first to reach out, you end up getting even more back.
Overall, there are many reasons why a guy might ignore you even if he likes you. While it may sound counterintuitive, humans can at times be an odd and confusing species. If one of the above reasons sounds like it might ring true for your guy, you are now better equipped to understand where he is coming from and finally break the silence.